TRUTHSPEAKER by Mgap

Reading a Lot.

2009-09-09T04:42:49Z

I think I feel that this time it's different. Everything about you wants to stimulate my senses, something so intoxicating happens in your kisses, Lithium Lips, it's those lithium lips.

Mac Lethal

It has been

2009-08-13T16:22:06Z

a little over a year since i last updated this thing, and as much as i constantly tell myself that ive outgrown livejournal, i keep coming back to it. I've been posting privately, secretly, on and off, because i feel there are some things that I no longer need to share with the world, and also because Ive developed many other outlets for sharing secrets, ideas and crafts.

So, If you miss me:

go to Stealthlikeninja.com

because I miss you too.

Woah! Revamp

2008-08-05T04:45:16Z

Something possesed me to completely revamp my livejournal. I mean, I've had this thing forever. Literally. This blog is the start of it all, so why neglect it?

Anyways, thank you friends I've had forever. You know who you are.

News: Me! Me! Me!

2008-08-05T02:22:01Z

I realize that I've been neglecting some of my old livejournal friends, and since i installed the ShareThis application on my blog, that i use it to let you guys know when I've made a post that is worth a damn.

To start off this new trend of mine, below is a link to one of my latest entries, letting you all know about the wonderful things I have done, that you haven't.

Lots of new developments in my life. and you can see them here: News: Me! Me! Me!

Also, if you have blogger account of your own, or any blog for that matter, let me know. I write a lot, and to do that I have to read a lot. lets share.

Posted using ShareThis

Still Alive, Promise.

2008-07-24T15:08:43Z

OMFG! I just realised I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe how insane my life has become. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness.. sry weird mood.

I am absorbed with finding Jesus (after someone told me he was lost), selling my soul to Google, writing for the Orlando Weekly and URB magazine, designing and re-designing my website, learning to get my CSS correct, and just generally being a slave to society in general, my day is filled with fluorescent light from sun-up till I run out of alcohol. I am totally exhausted. I need a nap. bad.

I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will try to remember my livejournal password more often in future, even if its just to pop in to let you know that I have something mind blowing up on my blog, such as this post. Honestly! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated! Then you're screwed.

Hi, miss me?

2008-06-25T16:07:22Z

Missing me bloggy?

Ive moved, kind of. Ill still post shit here now and then, so no freak out necessary, but mostly, when you feel lonely and need a little tickle from your favorite big mouthed fucker, you can get your fix of melo (that's me!) HERE.

I still love livejournal, and I'm never deleting it, and i swear, right here and right now, that i will be more actively involved with it, esp since my myspace, lately, seems to be boring me. Plus, using blogger to upload shit and post lots of images and pictures just works a little better for.

see you around, ya?

Toodles

Orders from 'the man who shall not be named"

2008-03-21T15:36:32Z

"I wish you would stop working" says my boss.

great work ethics around here.

p.s.
apparently im fired too.

Stolen from Cindy

2008-03-11T13:54:59Z

Sunlight and love...

2008-03-10T23:08:36Z

I have been nurturing a plant. This plant is a small weak specimen. It requires support, both at the base and at its leaves, in order to continue to grow. Its branches are weak but resilient, and are heavily weighed down by the amount of dust and dirt that constantly builds up on its large waxy leaves. Its trunk is narrow, and although the fibers are strong enough to support the blooming mass of foliage above it, they bend and exert themselves with every movement of the leafage.

This plant seems as though it may not make it, it is so weak and ill supported. But day after day, week after week, i have sat here and watched at what was, at first the emergence of a tiny shoot, a pale jade stump through the dark fertile dirt. The shoot was active and quickly sprouted branches, short and flexible, reaching towards the sky. But quickly the pace at which this hopeful majesty was growing hastened, and i would sit by the stump and urge it along, fearing the end of at any moment.
Yet the months past, and the shoot did not die. It pushed on though at a pace so slow; it seemed to be weary of the very dirt that held it, critical of the roots that held it down.

Nearly half a year later, this plant is still attempting to thrive. It faces a new challenge daily, whether it be a cold, a heat wave, or a drought, it pushes on. Clinging hopefully to the ground, it continues to awe me.

I can’t actually believe this has lasted this long but remain so very glad it has. I don’t really know what to make of it most days, or how to really take it in, but, its real and it is now a big ole chunk of me. Regardless, I never thought I would pull for something so strongly and be met with such resistance.

Recent Works (and reworks)

2008-01-04T02:02:14Z

here with me...

2007-12-06T17:23:34Z

It’s all here
It’s all inside this jumbled mess of somethings
What to describe, or how to say it…I don’t know
But I l keep looking through this
Dirty dirty window, hoping to find your soft light
Hidden somewhere in a corner.
Enjoying the sunsets alone, but still
Enjoying the moments together.
Missing what I had that was concrete
Missing what I had that was deep and understandable
But satisfied with this new creeping feeling
Your smile crawling into my eyes.
Its all here
Its all inside my crazy crazy thoughts
My crazy dreams
Of you and I running
In short shorts, and long socks
Like the kind you wore to sleep that night
That you and I woke up smiling…
Remember that?

So it goes...

2007-11-29T18:29:47Z

Stole this story from somewhere:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Picturesssss

2007-11-05T18:26:28Z

pretty nightime melo:

Kevin let me take pictures:

See the whole set, as well as other nights:
http://flickr.com/photos/kcolldesigns/sets/72157602921984467/

He's awesome..so go look.
http://kcolldesigns.com/blog/index.html

love!!

I wanna see light...

2007-11-05T18:15:47Z

I am falling back into a comfort
That is unfamiliar but inviting
Like some sort of reminder
That I am on the right path

I met my demons
While loving angels.
But this special night
I fought my fears
And stood proudly in the face
Of sparkling, old commotions
Within me

Through this cloud I emerge
Brilliant and held
In a beautiful song
Exploring ancient hallways
With newfound wounder

How it goes.

2007-10-24T00:24:08Z

I'll keep running
running away
towards
my return to go
I’ll follow the bubbles back to the surface
you’ll follow the bends and double over
double back for a second look
nothing on the surface resembles the inside.
and there are those
who would die for this
and those that have,
those that still do.
Let's live for this
Let us go on and crack the surface,
Open wide the earth itself
Just to see what lies beneath
I'll do it alone
stand back
safety first
and by the time you uncover your eyes...

...

I once fell in love with a man
who could think unlike any other
and blew me away with the words he wrote.
now i think about how,
In the afternoon, the sunlight filters
through my window onto my cheeks
It warms me despite my efforts to stay cool.
Heated, calm, I begin to think about it all
and I remember what is I loved in the first place
and I look to see that there are traces of this still around.

Am now I that different?

“the world changes halfway between your house and mine”

High Rise

2007-10-18T03:06:30Z

The wind blows cold across her face
And below her the city exists,
Pacing.
He feet kicking against the building’s
Concrete siding, fighting the fear
Of not wanting to feel again,
300 hundred feet in the air.
She looks down and whispers,
Thank you for taking me in.
She takes the bag from the brink
Curses herself for falling
And put the rest of the blame
On each miser she’s helped to pull through.
She carries the weight of her decision
Thinking of those pearly whites
Those arms
Kisses that lingered a little too long,
They were driving her crazy,
Sad and lonely.
It was long before daybreak,
She was already healing.
Wind in her ears
So desirable, so great, this freedom
This height.

Aches and Pains

2007-10-18T02:44:46Z

damn,
my back hurts,
my neck hurts,
my arms hurt
my eyes hurt
and i keep getting these
head.aches.
that are causing me to faint
here and there and oops
yeah she's crazeeeee
its the sugar baby
and all that jazz
shes so money and this is me
my isms my isnts my is and are
and im south
and im country and im
just like yall
i dont know where this is coming from
i didnt know when i began it.
but this is what its turned into.
whoooooo
all is well
im high as fuck
youre luck is changing
and im just as stuck

-3/18/2004

yelling at the mirror

2007-09-30T09:03:26Z

My eyelids begin to flutter and close
My consciousness slips
My dream state persists
I go to where there is nothing but darkness
I go to where everything good I left behind lies
I drift into a place where the wicked mother sleeps
Snoring peacefully for all to hear
Then the rain begins to fall
She awakes, raises slowly from her bed
“You are nothing”
She yells at me and
I fall to the floor
Dark and devious
The mother will bring a child into a world like this…
These children don’t stop crying.

You were there with me
You watched it happen
You looked with your own eyes
Into the stars of my oppressor
You saw the blood spit split the sidewalk open
The prophecies pour freely without filter into emotion
You are savage, hard
You see the tearing of lives and ego alike
And you do nothing,
I am velvet
You are pain and destruction,
I am feathers
But this will not be another night alone
With the screaming imbeciles around me
Take me home

Days like these...(This is Part of a picture/poem series)

2007-08-19T18:42:34Z

Devils have been known

2007-08-19T18:34:49Z

Devils have been known for breaking rules
But if there is something better
I will hesitate to take it.

So, this is for my lost dreams
The ones I gave up on when they got hopeless
This is for my lost lovers
The ones that left when it got tough
The good part was the price I paid
The longer I stayed the more I knew
If there is something better I should take it

But Devils have been known for breaking rules
and I remain among their throngs
Attached to something worse, loosing luster
Failing to move forward when the choice is clear

Devils have been known…
But nobody listens

Days like these...

2007-08-15T00:49:13Z

I smile when we meet, laugh when we talk
but when I put it all behind me
I turn to see I'm still alone.
I pretend like this momentary lapse isnt real,
Like there is something waiting for me in the dark.

A part of me left with you
A part that you helped create,
I still havent decided
If its a part I can live without.

Days seem to pass faster,
I am aware that distance is playing its part,
and its slowly getting easier,
still the sound of that voice,
tears, and heals all at once.
I am lost for you, and losing myself in the mean.

I do not know how to explain the thoughts,
I know only to let them take over.
I fill my empty moments with distractions
and tell my self its all the same.

I am not dying, Im not even crying anymore,
but I feel different, careless.
I am no longer trying to make sense of this
I longer care if we turn out okay,
As long as I do.

the truth

2007-07-20T17:15:29Z

Baby I don't die without you by my side
As long as you return into these arms that burn
Baby I won't die just take a look inside
Into these eyes that burn, come to these arms that yearn

Deutoronomy 32.35

2007-07-09T17:14:02Z

To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.

DAMN YOU, Kathy

2007-04-19T16:51:27Z

for craching into my car at 25 mph in a parking lot, taking my vehicle away and forcing me to pay my own deductible, all because of private property laws.

Damn you.

cant wait for this movie

2007-03-01T17:55:30Z